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The Truth Behind Denial

The Truth Behind Denial, Resilience Engine, Jenny Campbell, coaching

Do you tell yourself the truth about what’s really going on?

Within the field of resilience, we know that enabling people to see for real the ‘resilience data’ of any situation they find themselves in – under the cosh, in crisis, or with complex opportunities to navigate – is the basis of making a positive change. Resilience goes up and down. It’s not about emotions or an inability to manage, or a failure. Resilience goes up and down for everyone; fact. Seeing the truth of what contributes to the ups, and to the downs, is part of living in the Resilient Way.

Resilience is your capacity for change. So it is with someone’s resilience that the following, similar to Timothy Gallwey insights from his Inner Game Series,

Resilience today (ie capacity for change today)  = Resilience Potential – Resilience Demand

To therefore see what your actual capacity for change is today, you need to be able to see what is really going on all sides of the equation.

  • What is the actual resilience potential that you have? Is it lower than you would wish but you don’t want to admit that? Or is it higher than you thought – you’ve almost forgotten that indeed you can stretch to that kind of level?!
  • What about the drains? Are there long-term drains that really render you so tired that in fact, you are just about coping but even that is now under threat? Are you prepared to see this truth?

But you may find yourself in denial. That means you might be ignoring or just decide that you will play complete blind-eye to the facts of what is happening.

  • If you are someone that always gets through stuff, you may just assume that despite things being really bad, and you being aware in the back of your mind that you really aren’t sure of yourself any more and indeed that your confidence is being drained, another part of your mind decides to ignore all that and you continue to battle through. Confirmation bias – when you act on what you believe to be true, despite the blaring facts that it’s not.
  • You might have made a bit of a mistake about something, or brought someone into your team that isn’t any good, but you don’t change anything. The sunk-cost fallacy is upon you – the denial that a past decision was not good, and instead, you keep with the same solution, denying that it’s not working.

For anyone who is witnessing denial in others, confronting them with the facts of the matter can in fact backfire!  The person may dig in their heels because they just don’t want to feel bad about themselves, and indeed in some cases, the person can develop a stronger attachment to the incorrect beliefs! You can end up as the shot messenger.

To change the situation or outcome, you need to address the emotions that lie behind facing the truth. That is simple to write, but not necessarily simple to do. Yet once you make the step towards truth, life gets a lot simpler. That is definitely the Resilient Way. And that brings wellness, higher performance and a feeling of ease in work and life.

How can you help yourself get honest about your ‘resilience data’?

To discover more about how you can invest in your resilience, click here.

Author: Jenny Campbell, CEO of The Resilience Engine

 

Coaching with intention

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Is your client brimming with New Year resolutions and goals that sweep both of you up into an (potentially over) optimistic view of their capacity to enact on these changes? New Year resolutions can be great, if they’re doable and motivating. They really can help.

But with many clients, they just say ‘humbug’ to all that, because repeated attempts at the same kinds of thing – getting better worklife balance, nailing that career change within the company, or becoming more healthy through weight loss and exercise – haven’t worked in any of the previous years! And so the client would rather not look at their failures, but instead avoid these goals, and just carry on as is.

Ironically, whilst New Year resolutions are helpful for some, they can set up a kind of field of resistance, which hangs out in the background, negatively draining your coaching. It’s maddening!

What do you do as their coach?

What about helping them go behind a specific goal, and get hold of an intention that is actually really meaningful for them? Supporting your client to live intentionally can be a whole lot more effective.

Curious about what this means?

Intentional living is where you seek to create the conditions for something to come about, to come to fruition. It is about living with a deliberate vision for some area in your life – work or home life – and seeking the opportunities to move towards that intention. It means letting go of the need to achieve specifics; it means letting go also of the control around everything related to the intention. It is instead, a more open, evolving way of living.

It’s very helpful when either goals are difficult to achieve, or they are so complex you can’t tell what specifics are actually needed or doable. Living intentionally instead, you set out just to undertake the first step and aim just to explore towards that – then see where else you might go once you arrive there. There is no pressure per se – it’s really just all about discovering what this intention really means, beginning to live it, being energised by that, and so it goes. The core attitude at the heart of living intentionally in this way is not ‘what should I do’ but rather ‘what can I do’. It’s very motivating!

Why not try it for you and your client?

Start off with you. Take a particular client you are working with right now. What is your intention for them? How does that inform the way you are working with them?

Intentional coaching is one of the most transformative principles of resilience coaching. Yes of course track where you are in the coaching contract, and what you might offer next. But instead of getting into detailed plans, become clear on your own wish for your client, and work to create the right state that will enable that. Within that

1. Deeply consider what you would wish for your client.

2. Consider the state the client needs to be in to achieve that wish.

3. Model that state. For example, if you wish your client to feel more at ease, then having an easy session next time is what you need to plan.

Are you helping clients navigate such hard or complex stuff where goals are difficult to set and neither of you are convinced you will be successful? Why not shift your thinking and consider resilience coaching, so that you can unlock the conditions for navigating this complexity?

We’d love you to join us. We are a strong and growing Community of Practice who are experts in resilience. Our next Accreditation Programme starts on the 5th Feb: Got a question, get in touch.

Author: Jenny Campbell, CEO The Resilience Engine

Living intentionally

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New Year resolutions and goals. It’s so admirable when folk are making them, driven by them, committing to them and actually achieving them!!  As an official ‘middle years’ person (over 50), I no longer set them because they would be the same ones as the previous N years, and why set them if I haven’t been able to achieve them thus far?!

Do I aim for nothing new then? No. The opposite.  I have shifted instead towards living more intentionally. I find it simpler and more effective.

Curious about what this means?

Intentional living is where you seek to create the conditions for something to come about, to come to fruition. If I illustrate with my own two intentions for 2019:

  1. To get better at tennis
  2. To consolidate and stabilise the position of the Resilience Engine business

I am unclear how these will be done exactly, and in fact, I don’t have specific goals around either intention, although I do have the first step or two. Why no goals? Because both intentions are complex to achieve and I can’t see which goals will make the difference, and what is realistic in terms of achievements to aim for.

The complexity in my tennis comes from two or three main drivers. Firstly, when I played as a kid, I was great at some shots like baseline play, but not others like volleying– and that skill gap is still with me.  Then next  driveris years of not playing, I am really under practiced. Then there’s the little time I actually have for this great love in my life, once a week at best. Then there’s my age, my fitness, my weight (or overweight!). And there is a significant wrist injury of 5 years ago that has meant several years out of playing, now having to relearn all my shots so it’s not painful.

I am grateful to be able to play tennis. I love it. And I want to get better. To what level, to what aim doesn’t really matter. I start from where I am, and work towards something better, then review and keep going forward. Thus I already have set up better fitness routines, alleviated some of my end-of-week mental fatigue, have recently cut down on my alcohol. And am now going to work on some specific skills like the volleying that I know I am not confident about.

The journey of getting better is very motivation because the more I play better tennis, the more I enjoy it.

The business complexity is a more obvious one – a start up business with quite a bit of debt funding, with the vagaries of the marketplace, the lack of capacity since we’re a small company, and the inevitable highs and lows of it all. The idea of smoothing the path is what I have in mind, nothing more. The conditions – being able to make headspace, being able to match our capacity with what we can actually achieve particularly in sales and marketing, and I’m sure many more. I haven’t set out to identify them all and set out goals or specific targets for any of these conditions. Instead, I will give space to leveraging every opportunity to smoothing the path.

I cannot set SMART goals for either of my intentions. I can’t see the wood from the trees enough – the paths are obscured in many ways, and will depend on where I get to after the first couple of  steps. I also know from experience that many factors affect the ability to drive towards a specific goal within a complex task means that goals are often missed and it could feel like a failure. I don’t want to go there.

Instead I will live and work to the intentions of ‘making better’. I  will make these intentions active, every day; will seek the opportunities that arise; will aim to see as far as I can down the line to help shape what I decide today. Intentional living involves significant experimentation and learning,  effort and rest, being independent and dependent, and falling over and forgiving yourself!

The core attitude at the heart of living intentionally in this way is not ‘what should I do’ but rather ‘what can I do’.  It’s entrepreneurial. In my complex world, this is a resilient way of looking forward at the start of the year. And its oh-so motivating!

Are you navigating complex stuff where goals are difficult to set and you feel like you’re always in danger of missing them? Why not shift your thinking and instead deploy resilience coaching for you and your team, so that you can unlock the conditions for navigating this complexity?

We are a strong team of resilience-accredited coaches who can help you and your colleagues. Get in touch via email.

Author: Jenny Campbell, CEO The Resilience Engine

Shock! Level of Resilience Demand

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In partnership with the Academy of Executive Coaching, we recently carried out a survey on the demand for resilience in the workplace. With over 200 respondents we think the results are a shock. And so we wanted to share them with you.

In reading these results you might have the urge to feel vindicated about your feelings towards your workplace. Stop. Consider your own responsibilities in this. Consider what you need to do for yourself. You can do a lot. Then consider what you might influence.

To provide a frame for the results of the survey, we will use The Resilience Dynamic®:

Many of you have experienced this and its implications through the Resilience Engine services. The model explains firstly that resilience is your ability to adapt; indeed it’s a measure of your capacity for change. It shows a contiguous line of connecting between lower to higher levels of resilience, and it demonstrates how resilience shifts up and down, often according to context. Contained in the model is the idea of different resilience states of Fragmentation, Breakeven, right the way through to the zone where high performance is sustained, Breakthrough.

The last few years of The Resilience Engine work has highlighted that the majority of the working population sit around the Breakeven mark, sometimes at Coping, sometimes at Bounceback, and often oscillating between the two. This is the ‘ok’ state.

In the last few years, we have been discussing what seemed like a trend towards Coping, and indeed not Coping.  Not coping impacts wellness. Sometimes seriously. Not coping may lead to depression and anxiety. There will be a performance drop. And the capacity for change is zilch. Not coping, and further, Fragmentation, are resilience levels that needs to be taken seriously.

The survey shows the following hard data as proof of that trend: a whopping 82% say that the demand for resilience is high, only 10% in total say its manageable.

Within that, 44% of people said the demand is high and rising.

The level is a shock to us. It’s worrying. If this data is an indication of a more general trend, we need to sit up and pay attention. Falling levels of resilience leads to health issues, both mental and physical. What can you do if you feel like this?

A. Notice it. The first resource available to you is to become aware of what you are like when you aren’t coping.

B. Accept it, at least for now. Resilience goes down yes, but it can go up with the help of very pragmatic actions. Accepting your level means that you will invest in yourself more wholly and more wisely. That will lead to an increase in resilience immediately.

C. If you feel you aren’t coping, follow the three steps below :

  1. Remove all non-essential items. For a day, for two days, for a week. For longer if needed.
  2. Connect with your breath. Just notice it, enjoy it, relax in it. For a minute to start off with. Then build up to longer. It will help you widen your perspective, help you see the wood from the trees.
  3. Create space to consider your energy. How can you get more energy for yourself today? it might mean having a laugh with a friend. Or going into nature. Or allowing your house to be a pigsty for a day or two until you rest!

Being Present, and Energy, are shown in the Resilience Engine as two fundamental resilience enablers, no matter the resilience level. Embrace them.

What can you do if you notice others feeling like this?

  1. Help them do the above
  2. If there has been structural change in your team/organisation, spend time – loads of time – helping the person clarify their role, the boundaries of that role, and how they can be authorised within that role. Clarity and autonomy are very important for resilience within the workplace.
  3. If you are a coach or internal Organisational Development consultant, consider building your own expertise in resilience. See our Community of Practice and how to join.

Investing in your own resilience takes a bit of practice, but it’s easy and if you are doing it daily/weekly, you get big pay offs. That will mean for those of you not coping, you will cope better. For those of you with higher resilience, you will stabilise more.

Investing in your resilience is a path to feeling more at ease, no matter what’s going on. Start investing in yourself today.

Author: Jenny Campbell

Sleep, Think, Eat and Move… Well!

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anne archer, being resilient, eat well, sleep well, think, move, sleep think eat and move well, resiliente Imagine you are in a state of equilibrium. Your mind and body are working beautifully together AND you have the resources you need to meet any challenges you face.

You have
• good social conditions
• relationships that nourish you and that matter in your life,
• enough financial security to feel safe and free to make choices,
• adequate health care to draw on when required,
• a sense of purpose to your life
• basic human rights

Global research on what makes for a satisfying and good life, include these factors. They constitute the foundations of wellbeing. Good physical, mental, spiritual, economic, environmental and social conditions enable a state of equilibrium. It is our ability to flourish and to thrive.

We cannot always change our social conditions, finances, health care or human rights. That can be impacted by where and how we live. We can however do so much to improve how well our mind and body is working together. Here’s a simple and highly effective framework to get you started. Sleep, Think, Eat and Move… well.

 

Sleep. We wake up and can immediately judge whether we feel ready to get up, off and out or whether we want to go back under the duvet. It the former then there is a very good chance the quality and quantity of your sleep was good enough. If not, improve your sleep.

 

 

 

 

Think. It’s a new day (or night if on shifts) and we can spend a little time planning our day. What are the essential tasks for today? What are those few actions that support my bigger goal or aspiration? What is my capacity for today? Where is there slack? Who do I want to have a positive impact on? Who might need a hug? When will I plug in my rhythmical and smooth breathing breathing to still my mind and bring ease in my body?Are you a glass half full or a glass half empty person? The former will probably allow you to find more resources, to feel better and keep your emotional energy. Pay attention to these is a good place to start. If you let the day take you over then you won’t be thinking well.

 

 

 

 

Eat. Our brains and our bodies have a need for nutrients. How well do you balance your bodies needs nutritionally with your minds needs emotionally? Many of us eat for emotional support. Focus on the fuel that will sustain you yet not provide too much supply which then get stored.

 

 

 

 

Move. Do you move regularly during the day? How well do you support your body to stretch? To use muscles? What cardio work do you do? Move little and you will find joints cease, energy is lowered, and mental sharpness can be affected.

 

 

 

 

 

Spend the next few weeks building a plan around sleeping, thinking, eating and moving well and see how your mind and body come into balance.

Brought to you by Anne Archer at anne@livingproofsynergy.com

The Power of Inspiration

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inspiration in three steps

Ever find with your clients that their inspiration has dissipated somehow? Hidden because of the busyness of their world?

What about your own inspiration? Can you get hold of it quickly whenever you need that extra oomph in your day?

The power of inspiration is phenomenal. And being able to get hold of it – whenever,wherever – is also phenomenal, and part of a personal resilience toolkit. People often seek inspiration from outside themselves as a primary method – people they admire; places that are lovely; books that lift the spirit. Or via social – stories that inspire; funny videos.

And yet there’s another way available to you, to your client. Right here, right now. Inside.

You have, at some point in your life, inspired yourself or someone else. You will have been operating near your best at that moment. And to connect with that can re-inspire you. That doesn’t mean rolling about it self-congratulation, but instead, accepting that for at least one moment in your life, you inspired!

Try it!

  1. Recall one such moment when you inspired someone else, or indeed yourself.
    Maybe it was with one of your kids. Or one of your team.Or with a friend.
    Or maybe it’s something you managed to do, to pull off.
  2. Bring it strongly into your mind.
    Who were you with? What were you doing?
    Just remember fully. The feelings, the thoughts, the pictures you may have of what was going on around you.
    Who were you in this moment?
  3. Remain in the memory a little while.
  4. Now notice how you feel.

You are likely to feel more energised. And if you have done this truthfully, a lot more energised! Your memories of when you inspire are a resource available to you, sitting inside. It’s just a matter of getting hold of them.

Go help you and your client get inspired.

 

 


Author: Jenny Campbell, CEO of The Resilience Engine

Looking for inspiration for your own practice? Join the Resilience Engine Community of Practice, a learning community whose focus is to extend our understanding of resilience. Join the next Resilience Engine programme starting the 5th February 2019. More info here! ; Academy of Executive Coaching.

If you have an internal bank of coaches interested in building an internal resilience support capability for your organisation, please get in contact directly via info@resilienceengine.com.

The brochure can be found via our website.